Warning: Use of undefined constant _FILE_ - assumed '_FILE_' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/easygravatars/easygravatars.php on line 14

Warning: Use of undefined constant WPLANG - assumed 'WPLANG' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/facebook-likes-you/facebook-likes-you.php on line 138

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/easygravatars/easygravatars.php:14) in /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/disable-xml-rpc-pingback/disable-xml-rpc-pingback.php on line 51
An Open Letter to Boris Johnson - Boriswatch
Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

An Open Letter to Boris Johnson

Dear Boris,

Now, you know how we feel about you here at BorisWatch towers. We think you’re great. Really. Generally speaking, we think your policy decisions are marvellous, and as for your hair… well, it really is something spectacular. In fact, we’re hard-pressed to think of a time where we haven’t seen fit to laud your accomplishments and generally sing your praises.

But you don’t half make it hard for us sometimes.

We like the fact that you keep a very prominent public profile. It makes it easy (and fun!) to write about you, and we like having the Mayor of our nation’s capital be able to match wits with intellectual heavyweights like Jeremy Clarkson. We were even willing to forgive you for the poor laptime you gave on your last stint on Top Gear. We defended you to our friends down the pub. The sun was in his eyes, we said. He must have been ill, we said. You finished in 1m56s. We can’t go back to that pub anymore.

But still, we forgave you. We almost managed to forget it, even, to scrub it from our memories the way it deserved, to keep your Adonis-like perfection intact in our minds. Then you went and did this:

Boris Johnson on Top Gear.

1m57s, Boris. You’re slower than Michael Parkinson. You’re slower than Tom Jones. You’re slower than Helen Mirren, and she’s the closest thing they could get to having the actual Queen driving round the track.

We just don’t know what to think, Boris. We want to hope that you’ll do better next time — if there is a next time — but it’s hard to keep dreaming.

Please don’t keep doing this to us.

Yours, with a strange (and unfamiliar) feeling of disappointment,

The Staff of BorisWatch Towers

PS. The interview was great.

Join the Conversation

2 Comments

  1. Fatal error: Uncaught Error: Call to undefined function mysql_query() in /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/comment-rating.php:219 Stack trace: #0 /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/comment-rating.php(457): ckrating_get_rating('1042') #1 /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-includes/class-wp-hook.php(289): ckrating_comment_class(Array, '', '1042', Object(WP_Comment)) #2 /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-includes/plugin.php(206): WP_Hook->apply_filters(Array, Array) #3 /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-includes/comment-template.php(537): apply_filters('comment_class', Array, '', '1042', Object(WP_Comment), NULL) #4 /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-includes/comment-template.php(434): get_comment_class('', Object(WP_Comment), NULL) #5 /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-includes/class-walker-comment.php(248): comment_class('', Object(WP_Comment)) #6 /home/customer/ww in /home/customer/www/boriswatch.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/comment-rating/comment-rating.php on line 219