A novel Boris idea…

06 May
May 6, 2004

According to the metro newspaper, Boris is writing a novel about traffic wardens. In a classic interview, Boris also spoke about creating “zones of chaos” when riding his bicycle in order to encourage drivers to stear clear.
Badger.

Boris the realist

04 May
May 4, 2004

Last week in his Telegraph article, Boris quelled the rumours that had been exciting the media types in Westminster village and assure us that Tony Bliar (sic) is going nowhere. Of course he wont…certainly not early anyway. He’ll grin his way through to the next election. However, he is running scared on Iraq, Europe and migration and he will have another heart attack (surely murmour…Ed) when he sees Gordons credit card bill.

Boris and The Missing Gong

21 Apr
April 21, 2004

Apologies for the delay – I’ve barely recovered from the deep disappointment of Boris’s missing BAFTA. The victor, some media type called Jonathan Ross, was the safe choice – and anyway, this is only Boris’s early, fledgling years as a media figure. He’ll be up with the best of them before I turn 30, let me assure you (for those that are curious, that’s a full four years, 6 months and 5 days away yet).
And so, in that oh-so-final swipe of award misdirection, the Boriswatch “important dates” section over there on the left is rendered completely useless. Does anyone have any upcoming Boris events?

Boris the Cheery

15 Apr
April 15, 2004

Boris does not depress your Boriswatch host. He of the estimable floppy-haired brow, the estimable wit, could never provoke even the faintest suicidal tendancies in yours truly. However, mindful of constituents and so forth, he has taken on the Vice-Chairmanship of a cross-party group on depression. “City living,” notes The Telegraph, “depresses one woman out of four”. Show them Boris and they’ll soon perk up.

Posh and Boris, sitting in a tree

15 Apr
April 15, 2004

It seems that Boris has indulged in a little celebrity stalking. Or at the very least a following-up-stairs-in-ski-resorts tendency. ‘Spotty’ Posh should promote acne pride reports Ireland Online, going on to detail Boris’ sighting of the “unquestionably beautiful” Posh. Really, Boris, if you fancy her, you only have to say…

Clubbing Seals – A Boris Guide

15 Apr
April 15, 2004

All’s been quiet on the Boris front recently – until this morning. All that is right about Boris’s column comes together in his controversial latest article “What’s Wrong With Clubbing Seals?”. Find a tricky subject, apply much needed logic, and you come up with an article that clears the mists of sentimentality is a uniquely Boris way.
UPDATE: Australia’s The Age newspaper picks up this latest Boris piece.

Boris nominated for BAFTAs

23 Mar
March 23, 2004

The subtle juggernaut that is Boris Johnson takes in another plaudit: he’s been nominated for the Best Entertainment Performance at the television BAFTAs, reports the Guardian. I, for one, fully expect him to win. GO BORIS, you floppy-haired wonder…
UPDATE: Boris, commenting on his nomination: “”I feel like a fat German tourist propelled to the top of a mountain. It would be monstrous if I got anything”.

Pigswill – a sketch

17 Mar
March 17, 2004

Have I got moos for you, Boris – Simon Hoggart analyses Boris’s growing campaign about farmers’ pigswill. “He was brilliant”, says Simon. No need to state the obvious, Mr Hoggart…

Boris names Columnist of the Year

17 Mar
March 17, 2004

We all know Boris is the best columnist around – but now it’s official. Boris has been named Columnist of the Year at the British Press Awards. The judges said Johnson was “unmissable for his ability to use an everyday event and use it to make a convincing political argument.” That’s the stuff, Boris!

Free Boris Quotes!

12 Mar
March 12, 2004

Top Boriswatch contributor Badger Lyons has noted that The Spectator are giving away a free book this week. Says Badger, it “contains many quips and remarks from Boris and Co. It is predominantly Boris.”. Free Boris quotes!