Boris says awesome things...

We at Boriswatch Towers have seen some strange things in our time.  A man running across Richmond Park yelling “FENTON!” at the top of his voice.  Anne Widdecombe on Strictly Come Dancing.  Anything starring Noel Fielding.

And, Boris has had his fair share of video japes over the years.  Falling into a river.  Assaulting an ex-international footballer in a charity event.  Trying to get the better of Jeremy Paxman.

However, this video landed on our desk this week and it’s arguably the oddest of them all.  Yes, it’s Boris on his bike at City Hall being chased by a large chicken.  Apparently, it’s got something to do with Boris’ apparent reluctance to enter into a debate with Mayoral rival Ken Livingstone and him describing his £250,000 annual salary from the Daily Telegraph as ‘chicken feed’.

Anyway: here it is.  *lies down*

With all the hoo-hah about building airports on land raised from the sea and the forthcoming Olympic Games, it’s easy to forget that Boris’ biggest moment in 2012 comes in just 100 days time.

London’s mayoral and Assembly elections are on May 3 with around 5.8 million people eligible to vote.  Once again, Bozza is up against his old nemesis Ken Livingstone, with a recent poll putting Ken two points ahead of Boris in the race to be Mayor.

If you’re interested in following the election and the issues involved, a new website has launched to provide information on the poll.

For the next three months, London Elects will inform Londoners about when and how they can vote as well as providing details of the areas of life affected by the work of London’s mayor and assembly members including planning, policing, transport and housing.

So, if you’re eligible to vote in the elections in 100 days time, you could change the way that your city will be governed over the next four years. A return to the days of Red Ken, or more Boris? You decide…

"Stewardess? Just pour my breakfast straight in, there's a girl..."

It would be fair to say that these are tough times for the UK.  Finding a pound coin down the back of the sofa represents an economic stimulus for millions of households while Government departments are slashing their budgets all over the place.

So, we at Boriswatch HQ were surprised to read this week in the Yorkshire Post that the Government may have a spare £50 billion knocking about to back Boris’ ‘estuary airport’ idea.

The Government are to hold a formal consultation on the future of UK aviation which will consider several proposals including the one put forward by the Mayor to build a four runway airport on reclaimed land in Kent.

Bozza said: “I think that where we are is that the Government is increasingly interested in this idea.

“I genuinely believe that they see not just the overwhelming aviation argument and the argument from international competitiveness in making sure Britain has a hub airport that is viable for the long-term future.”

However, as you might imagine there’s a fair bit of opposition to the scheme from all sides.  Environmentalists, the Labour Party and the unions have all opposed the plan, as does Colin Matthews, chief executive of airports operator BAA (no vested interest there, of course.  Ahem.)  Matthews said an island hub was “very expensive” and “decades away,” adding it would almost certainly cause the closure of Heathrow, with the loss of 100,000 jobs.

Will Boris get his way?  Who knows.  A new airport is a long way off – and there’s the small matter of raising the £50 billion, of course.  Perhaps the Department of Transport could look down the back of it’s office sofa…?

Being Mayor isn’t just about having fun at the Olympics and getting freebie jaunts around the world as London’s representative, you know. Oh no. Much of Bozza’s job (as far as we can tell) appears to be dealing with the transport issues facing the capital.

Boris bikes. Bendy buses. Other transport alliterations. These things take up much of the Mayor’s time, and this week is no exception. The Mayor has announced plans for a brand new road crossing under the Thames for the east of the capital within the next 10 years.

“When I look at London, I see a city of incredible potential and tonight I will make the case for a huge new phase of investment in the capital, including a major new river crossing east of Tower Bridge,” said Mr Johnson in an address to government leaders.

The Daily Telegraph reports that the proposed tunnel will run between the Greenwich peninsula and Silvertown in the Royal Docks. It will have a capacity of 2,400 vehicles an hour in each direction, and will relieve pressure on existing tunnels at Blackwall and Rotherhithe to the west.

Bozza added: “We are in the right time zone, speak the right language and have the young, skilled population to continue to attract investment from the world’s greatest businesses. This is not a time for London to falter it is a time for London to flourish.”

You have to be careful what you say by e-mail these days.  Telling your future daughter in law that she should have better manners might seem like a good idea at the time, but not when it’s gone viral and millions of people have read it.  Similarly, Manchester City needed a new chief executive after a stray e-mail message.

Thankfully, it seems that Boris’ e-mail account contains no such blunders.  Details of the Mayor’s e-mails have been made public under Freedom of Information rules and it seems that Bozza’s office takes all requests pretty seriously.

For example, on 10th September 2010 the Mayor responded to a request for accredited buskers to be allowed to sell CDs and other merchandise in Tube stations, saying that London Underground was “unlikely” to allow the move.  He also responded to a request for additional Boris bike docking stations for district nurses in Islington, reassured a homeowner that Transport for London had stopped a CCTV camera from filming their house and even responded to a request asking for the Mayor’s favourite recipe.

Particularly interesting is the personal feedback that Bozza receives by e-mail, which can be, er, ‘mixed’.

One correspondent e-mailed to say that a visiting German exchange student was “VERY impressed” by a trip to London because “everywhere was clean, no rubbish, there were no drunks on the Tube, there were no homeless people sleeping in the streets or doorways”.

However, in the same same month a critic wrote to the Mayor: “Dear Boris, please resign. You (are) clever and funny and that, but to be honest, it ain’t enough. You are a bad Mayor and should leave quickly… All the best in your new job (so long as it doesn’t involve power or the UK)…”

There are fewer television events more brilliant to watch than a battle between two of the nation’s political heavyweights.  And, we were treated to another such encounter at the Party Conference last week when Jeremy Paxman and Boris met for an interview on the BBC’s Newsnight programme.

With both men in top form, this is guaranteed to raise a smile or two, particularly when the issue of ‘whether Dave or Boris has the best degree’ comes around….

He may have done lots of great things for London, but there are two words that seem most commonly associated with Boris as Mayor: bikes and buses.

This week, Boris has managed to achieve one of his main demands in that the last ‘bendy bus’ will complete its journey. The 207 between Hayes and White City will be the very last bendy bus in London this weekend and then the “cumbersome machines” which, according to the Mayor, were too big for narrow streets and encouraged fare-dodgers will be taken out of service for good.

However, not everyone is happy with the removal of the ‘whales of the road’. The BBC reports that Transport for All, which speaks for older and disabled transport users, said Transport for London was ‘nuts’ to scrap the vehicles. Spokeswoman Lianna Etkind said: “On every other bus in London, wheelchair users are frequently left stranded at the bus stop when pushchair users refuse to fold their buggy and give up the wheelchair bay.

“Many wheelchair users simply won’t travel at the time of the school run, because conflict with pushchair users who won’t move is so common.”

And, the Liberal Democrats pointed out that the replacement buses could only hold 85 passengers compared to the 120 that could be accommodated by a bendy bus. Caroline Pidgeon said: “As the replacement buses to the bendy buses are often just maintaining the same frequency, the reality is significant less capacity on numerous bus routes across London.”

However, Bozza won’t be sad to see the end of these buses. He said: “We bid a final but not fond farewell to the bendy bus. These bulky and ungainly monstrosities were always more suitable for the wide open vistas of a Scandinavian airport than for London’s narrow streets and I am glad to see the back of them.

“While it is goodbye to the bendy, it is hello to the svelte and elegant new bus for London, which will grace the capital’s streets from early next year.”

There are lots of influential men in Britain.  David Cameron.  Sir Philip Green.  Richard Branson.  Simon Cowell.  Prince William.  George Osborne.  Hugh Grant [ahem - Boriswatch Ed]

However, none are in the same league as Boris who has been voted GQ magazine’s Most Influential Man in Britain 2012.

The men’s magazine said: “When he says jump, the Prime Minister tries to guess how high.”

Boris climbed from 15th place in last year’s table. Placing Bozza top of the list, the judges said: “When Boris comes back from holiday, as he did during the London riots, David Cameron comes back. When Boris says he’s wearing a morning suit to the royal wedding, Cameron performs an embarrassing sartorial U-turn.”

The magazine also reported that the possibility that he could run for the Commons while serving in City Hall was crucial to placing him at the top of the list.

David Cameron came in second place, but his deputy, Nick Clegg, was the biggest loser, falling 24 places in the list to 34th position. Other big fallers included Simon Cowell, down 17 places, and Richard Caring, owner of Le Caprice restaurant, down 12 positions.

With 250 days to go to the Olympic Games, Bozza has been in Bexleyheath this week with his old mate Lord Coe. The pair visited Bexleyheath Academy accompanied by David Cameron and Nick Clegg Wenlock and Mandeville to launch the ‘Get Set’ scheme where London children can apply for 125,000 free Olympics tickets.

The school was chosen as it has been transformed from a ‘troubled’ school into a Mayoral Academy in just two years.

Mr Dore, who took over as head of the school two and-a-half years ago, said: “It’s the start of a new era for us. The school has registered as a place of respect in the community, away from its troubled past.

“The visit today is recognitition for the students and makes them feel worthy.”

Boris said: “London’s school kids have a once in a lifetime opportunity to get hold of the hottest tickets in town and experience the greatest sporting event on the planet.

“But to get as many kids into the Games as possible, we need every state and independent school in London to join up and, with just a month to go, I urge school kids, teachers and parents to make sure that their school doesn’t miss out.”

Forty years ago, the Santa Clara Valley, was nicknamed ‘Silicon Valley’, referring to the high concentration of companies involved in the semiconductor and computer industries that were concentrated in the area.

Now, in 2011, London’s position as Europe’s leading digital city has been reaffirmed by figures showing the new Tech City area of the capital has attracted over 1,000 jobs since its launch a year ago. More than 600 companies are located in east London’s Tech City, which runs from the Olympic Stadium to Shoreditch and was this week championed by the Mayor.

Bozza said: ““London’s is leading the charge on Europe’s digital boom. Across the capital hundreds of new technology businesses have emerged with an exciting cluster bursting into life in Tech City. I want to see London continue to shine as a beacon for the world’s best creative minds and entrepreneurs so that this emerging sector benefits the whole of London, delivering new skills, jobs and investment.”

And, of course, as the UK becomes a world centre for digital technology it needs a catchy nickname.  So, this area of the capital is now known as ‘Silicon Roundabout’.  Really? Is that the best they could do?

A spokesman for the internet spam company voucher discount deals provider Groupon said: “A spokesman for Groupon, which now employs almost 700 people after recently moving to Tech City, said: “The UK is a hugely exciting place for digital and creative culture and we welcome this initiative which aims to create a dynamic centre to harness and nurture talent. We launched Groupon UK in 2009, our second international office outside the US, and we now operate from our offices within Tech City.”