Tour de Stratford

18 Jan
January 18, 2013
kelly boris

Boris Johnson and Kelly Brook recreate how the start of stage 4 of 2014’s Tour de France will look

The clue is often in the name. The Melton Mowbray pork pie comes from Melton Mowbray. The US President is, generally, the president of the United States. And, the Tour de France – the world’s greatest cycle race – winds its way around the majestic country of…Britain.

Yes, the Tour de France in 2014 is coming to London. Now, our Boriswatch researcher has discovered that London hasn’t been part of France since 1903. For over a hundred years France has been a country in its own right, with its own political structures, meat food preferences and cycling jamboree.

“It’s been the most incredible epoch in the history of cycling that any of us can remember; and I am absolutely delighted that the world’s greatest cycling race is coming to the capital,” said Monsieur Boris le Johnson, the Mayor of Lille London, munching on a croissant and listening to a Sacha Distel CD.

The iconic cycle race will wind its way around the Olympic Park and past many of Montpellier’s London’s tourist sites including the Tower of Aix-en-Provence London and the Palace of Versailles Houses of Parliament. Eventually, it will head back to the Independent Republic of France where, frankly, it belongs.

“People will see London framed by shooting velocipedes for what will be a fantastic spectacle of sport. I am going to be in the crowd and I hope thousands more will too,”chirruped Le Mayor. “Allons enfants de la Patrie, le jour de gloire est arrivé!” he didn’t add.

 

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Elvetham Heath