Boris says awesome things...

With just a year to go until the Olympic Games comes to London, Boris was joined by other well known faces this week to open London’s new aquatic centre.

The £269 million centre will host swimming and diving events and Bozza was joined by Jacques Rogge, president of the IOC, Princess Anne, Lord Coe and 2012 hopeful Tom Daley.

Everyone had great things to saw about the new venue. Lord Coe said: “After the Games it will become a much-needed swimming facility for London with community use at its heart.” He was invited to take a dip himself, but apparently he can’t swim.

The Mayor was in effusive, Boris mode and showed a surprising knowledge of the unsavoury contents of a typical public swimming baths. “I had no idea it was going to be so beautiful. It is an architectural poem, a seamless wave of beauty,” he said. “And look at that water. It looks good enough to drink, it is gin-clear. If you dive to the bottom you won’t find any fluff and the normal sort of stuff you find in a municipal pool – an old pair of goggles and a Band Aid.

“I have been asked to have a go in it myself, I think it would be electorally inadvisable. I think this is not the moment in the electoral cycle to present my undraped form to the people of London, until I lose a lot of weight.”

The phone hacking scandal is the MP’s Expenses of 2011. It’s difficult to turn on the TV without someone expressing a view on the Murdochs, the Ginger News Donkey, the Police and politicians – invariably from either scruffy loony Paul McMullen or unlikely hero Hugh Grant.

The problem with the whole debacle is that almost everyone involved (including Glenn Mulcaire, one suspects) would have done things differently if they had the benefit of perfect hindsight. And, Boris appears to be amongst that number.

In a recent statement, the Mayor said: “Even if only a small number of people were implicated, these allegations have to be taken extremely seriously and investigated ruthlessly and openly.”

Hear, hear.

The problem is that this statement represents a bit of a change of tune on the issue. Boris is not alone of course – everyone from Ed Miliband to Rupert Murdoch’s opinion on the subject has changed over recent weeks – but as with many other people it does make uncomfortable reading.

At Mayor’s Question Time on 15 September 2010, Boris said:

“I am completely satisfied” [with the way the Met had handled allegations of phone tapping by News International]
“I think it is patently politically motivated”
“I think it looks like a politically motivated put up job”
“You [Assembly member Joanne McCartney] are trying to make a song and dance about nothing”
“This is a load of codswallop cooked up by the Labour Party”

Eek.

To be fair to Boris, he does also say that “If there is new and important facts that are brought into the public domain that substantively affect this, then, I imagine that they [the Met] will want to reconsider their decision about investigations.” Clearly this has been the case and ongoing investigations are continuing.

Phone hacking isn’t going to disappear anytime soon. However, a swift change of stance by almost everyone has been necessary, including the Prime Minister. His relationship with Andy Coulson and other News International executives has been called into question over recent days and the odds of him being forced to step down are shortening by the day. And the favourite to replace him as leader of the Conservative Party? One Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson…..

Now we’re in July, the nights are closing in, the autumn TV schedule is around the corner and minds are slowly turning to Christmas shopping.

So, if you’re looking for an ideal present for your loved one this Christmas, what could be better than the brand new book by Boris, set to be published this November?

Johnson’s Life of London: The People Who Made the City that Made the World is Bozza’s latest work in which he celebrates the lives of the characters that have made the City of London what it is today (presumably there’s a chapter on Ken Livingstone? Ahem.)

According to published HarperPress (isn’t that the name of the Beckham’s new baby?): “In his inimitable style, he draws on a lifetime of reflections and his years of running the city, to celebrate some of the characters and characteristics which have made London what it is today.”

Of course the timing is clever – releasing a book about London and Londoners just a few months before the Mayoral election – but it will make a great Christmas pressie and is sure to be an entertaining read….

Overseeing multi billion infrastructure improvements to London.  Writing transport policies that will affect generations.  Organising the 2012 Olympic Games.  Contributing to his party’s position on subjects as widespread as foreign policy and taxation.

Yes, the responsibilities weigh heavily on the shoulders of the Mayor of London.  Boris has plenty to keep him awake at night with a multi billion pound economy and eight million people to look after.

Now, though, comes an issue that we at Boriswatch HQ worry could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.  Bozza has got enough on his plate to deal with without major issues of this sort being added to his already heavy workload.

The Croydon Advertiser has reported this week that local London Assembly member Murad Qureshi is taking up a local campaign to persuade Transport for London (TfL) not to amalgamate the 312 and 412 bus services.

The TfL proposals involve withdrawing the 412 route, which serves Purley, Sanderstead and Selsdon (GASP!). The 312 route, which runs from the bus garage to Norwood Junction via East Croydon station, would no longer serve the garage. (SCANDAL!) Instead, it would divert on the journey from Norwood Junction at the Swan and Sugar Loaf pub in South Croydon (NEVER!) and follow the 412 route to Sanderstead, Selsdon and then on to Purley. (WHAT MERRY HELL IS THIS?)

Local residents have asked TfL to rethink the plans, supported by Mr Qureshi. Boris has confirmed that the requests are being considered and that residents would be informed ‘once a decision is made’.

There are few people out there that could take on this level of responsibility. Boris – we salute you.

In popular beat combo JLS’ most recent chart hit Eyes Wide Shut, the band include the following line: “If I could rearrange the alphabet, it would be U, I, JLS B A to J F K L A X.’

Now, ignoring the fact that such a rearrangement would mean that the alphabet had two ‘a’s and two ‘j’s, it also doesn’t make much sense. Mind you, it perhaps made more sense than the confusing alphabetti soup that occurred in Leicester Square last week with the opening of the brand new M&M store.

JLS were joined by singer Alexander Burke and Mayor BJ for the opening of the four storey M&M shop; the first of its kind in Europe. JLS, BJ and AB were snapped outside the M&M S on LS – a ‘totally new shopping experience’ according to Susan Saldeman of Mars (presumably that’s where she works, not where she comes from).

After JLS had performed, singer Marvin Humes (or JLS’ MH as he’s probably known, for the purposes of keeping this slightly lame acronym pun going) said, hilariously, “We are literally kids in a candy shop.”

MBJ said the M&Ms store was ‘STBOOTCTA’.

LOL.  OMG.  ROFL.

*‘sure to become one of the capital’s tastiest attractions’

Apparently, Britain’s Scotland’s Andy Murray would have won Wimbledon this year had he not faced the prospect of paying more income tax than any of the other semi-finalists.

That’s the conclusion drawn by leading sports psychologist Boris Johnson in his Daily Telegraph column this week.  The reason that Novak Djokovic triumphed is that he only pays a mere 20 per cent tax on his winnings. “No wonder he strains and trains. No wonder he fixes the ball with that implacable hawklike gaze, and chases shots that a lesser player would regard as hopeless,” remarked the Mayor.

Of course, it could be because Djokovic is by far the best player in world tennis this year and Andy Murray – whilst a great player – simply can’t match the quality and tenacity of the world’s top three players. Or, of course, it could be that he can’t be bothered to win as 50 per cent of the £1.1million prize goes to the taxman.

Coach Boris continued: “I am not for a second suggesting that money is the most important incentive for a great tennis player. No doubt there are more powerful imperatives: the lust for fame and glory and the hope of bringing honour to your country. And we must be realistic, and accept that Britain was not notably better at producing Wimbledon champions when our taxes were lower. But don’t forget that these guys are professionals….”