Boris says awesome things...

As we often say here at Boriswatch HQ, the work of the Mayor is strange and varied. Jetting off across the world to represent London on the international stage, dealing with the transport network and Tube strikes and supporting local education and charitable projects.

This week, Bozza’s had another strange meeting – this time to broker a deal to change the lighting on Tower Bridge.

The London Evening Standard reports that ‘an energy-efficient system will be installed before the Olympics to help reduce energy bills and cut carbon emissions. It will also enhance the world-famous structure’s architectural features at night. Tower Bridge’s gothic turrets, central aerial walkway and suspension chains will be bathed in colours sensitive to its listed building status.’ The system will cut energy consumption by around 40 per cent as well as allowing the Tower to be bathed in multicolpured light (for example in the Union Jack colours during the Olympic Games).

And, apparently, it’s not going to cost us a penny. The work will be funded by EDF and GE and the bridge’s owner, the City of London Corporation and the system installed by Citelum, the firm behind flood-lighting the Valley of the Kings in Egypt, the Petronas Tower in Kuala Lumpur and the Eiffel Tower.

Boris said: “I want London to look its very best in 2012 as the eyes of the world are upon us.

“Tower Bridge is one of this city’s most stunning landmarks, recognised the world over and therefore deserving of a star role in these year-long celebrations.

“I am thrilled to have brokered this deal to bathe Tower Bridge in eco-friendly light to create a fresh perspective of this wonderful icon. This is another great legacy for London stretching for decades beyond the Olympic year.”

Having already caused a sartorial kerfuffle by effectively forcing David Cameron into wearing a morning suit for the Royal Wedding, Bozza has now found himself embroiled in another royal row over his choice of wedding present.

As the Daily Mail reports, ‘London Mayor Boris Johnson is to present William and Kate with a gift that combines his eccentric approach to politics with his obsession with cycling: a tandem based on the design of the capital’s street-hire bicycles.’

However, Bozza did cause a row when he demanded that Transport for London pay for the £500 bike. Now, we’ve asked around the Boriswatch office, and we have yet to find a person who didn’t pay for their own gift when attending someone’s wedding. We haven’t found anyone yet who managed to get a public body to chip in for a pressie on their behalf.

Understandably, bosses at Transport for London objected to Bozza’s request on the grounds that it would be wrong to use taxpayers’ money in such a way. So, Serco (the company that runs the Boris Bikes scheme) has agreed to pay for the customised bike.

A senior Whitehall source said the tandem would help raise the profile of Mr Johnson’s cycle scheme. He said: “It is typical of Boris to want to give a tandem as a special gift, but TfL didn’t want to pay for it out of public money. They said it would set the wrong precedent and give out the wrong message.”

Despite not wanting to put his hand in his own pocket for the event, the Mail reports that Boris ‘has organised free live screenings of the Royal Wedding in Hyde Park and Trafalgar Square on Friday’ and has ‘encouraged communities in the capital to hold street parties.’

A spokesman said: “The Mayor is determined to mark the historic event to show London’s support for the happy couple. He is planning additional celebrations and surprises.”

I’m sure he is. As long as someone else pays for it…..

For weeks, we at Boriswatch HQ have been undecided about what we can buy to celebrate the happy event of the Royal Wedding.

A few of the team wanted to buy a full porcelain dinner service featuring the happy couple. I liked the idea of flags and mugs whereas others were keen on the official teddy bears wearing the Wills and Kate jumper.

So, it was a welcome relief this week when Boris came along with a limited edition item of merchandise which everyone in the office could agree on. Indeed, there is no better way of celebrating a once-in-a-generation Royal event than with….a tube ticket.

Bozza gushed: “Just as royal wedding fever starts to take hold in the city, this fantastic commemorative Oyster card is a great chance for Londoners and visitors to have a slice of the action as a fabulous memento of the happy day.”

I don’t know what people in bygone years were thinking. Commemorative Silver Jubilee plates and mugs? Charles and Diana tea towels? Pah. All we really wanted was a bus ticket to Holborn featuring the faces of the Royals.

Boris added that Wills and Kate might also want to invest in the TfL merch (although we at Boriswatch HQ thought they were arriving by carriage, not on the Circle Line): “I would also recommend the card to the happy couple as the cheapest, easiest way of getting around this city, especially as it bears their resemblance.”

The phone hacking scandal has been rumbling on for a while now and, as someone identified as a hackee, Boris decided to write about the ongoing revelations in this week’s Telegraph column.

“Oh come off it. This is starting to get silly. First it was the Royal family, then it was Gordon Brown and Sienna Miller. Now we are told that there are literally hundreds of people who have been bugged by the News of the World. It’s getting to the stage where it looks embarrassing for any self-respecting celebrity that they haven’t been taped or hacked or somehow illicitly probed by the gentlemen of the Screws.”

Good lord.

Anyway, Bozza believes that there should be sort of collective hacking amnesty. The Mayor said: “That is why we need a process of Truth and Reconciliation. It is time for every editor and every proprietor to appear before an inquiry and confess. Before it is dragged from them, they need to admit to all the bugging and hacking that they allowed – wittingly or unwittingly – in their organisations.”

Yes, let’s do that. I’d love to know if the Krankies and Duncan Norvelle have fallen victim to voicemail interception….

The lovely pink house with views over Primrose Hill ‘has become something of a London landmark’ says the Daily Telegraph.

Now, Bozza’s former home is at the centre of a planning row with the current residents set to construct a subterranean cinema and gym under the garden of the Mayor’s childhood home.

The Telegraph reports that, ‘the plans submitted to Camden council by Jeremy and Erin Morris, who paid £5.25 million for the house this year, show a new basement that will include a cinema, gym, bedroom and bathroom.’

Neither Bozza nor his dad are pleased with the application. Stanley Johnson – father of the Mayor – said: “It was a lovely garden and it would be a great shame to do anything that may spoil it.”

Boris was, as ever, more colourful in his reminiscences about the time spent in his childhood home: “I loved playing in the garden. There was a lot of mud-pie making done in the flower beds. I have very happy memories. I also recall making Airfix aeroplane models and flying them around the garden.�

And, it’s not just the Johnson’s who oppose the plans. Pam White, a member of the Primrose Hill conservation area advisory committee, says: “We have always resisted basement developments. These houses are generous, large and comfortable. There is just no need to make them any bigger. Why do people not buy the house they want; not the house they want to turn it into?â€?

The world is a weird and wonderful place, sometimes. Occasionally, things happen which are just so utterly bonkers that you just have to nod, smile and get on with your life.

For example, your eyes are not deceiving you when you look at the picture. That’s the Mayor – all smiley and blonde-mopped, riding a bicycle alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Apparently, the former Governor of California was in London for a gala event to celebrate the 80th birthday of former Russian leader Mikhail Gorbachev. (Considering Arnie spent half his life singlehandedly defeating Russia in a series of ever more preposterous action movies, I’m not sure how he even got an invitation. Anyway.)

Boris and Arnie had ‘talks’ at City Hall, apparently, before hiring a couple of Boris Bikes for an afternoon of events around the capital, including a trip to the Tower of London and a quick visit to 2084 to meet freedom fighters from Mars [I think you'll find that's Total Recall - Boriswatch Film Ed].