Boris says awesome things...

It would be fair to say that Boris is not Brian Haw’s biggest fan. And, I imagine, Mr Haw is not the world’s greatest admirer of the Mayor either.

Nine years ago, Mr Haw defeated a Westminster Council action to have the peace campaigner evicted from his ‘camp’ in Parliament Square. This is London reports that ‘in 2005, despite a law being passed more or less specifically to get rid of him, he won police permission to stay.’ And, in June 2010, he beat another eviction order.

Still, multiple defeats haven’t deterred Boris and the Mayor is after him again. This time, Bozza (and Dave) are concerned that the camp will look like an eyesore on the day of the Royal Wedding, and they are concerned that tourists won’t want to come to London if they are likely to be faced by a scruffy sort campaigning for world peace.

This is London continues: “With the prospect of Mr Haw’s encampment looking simply ghastly on Kate and Wills’s big day – Boris Johnson is again turning to the law to have him removed.” The leader of Westminster Council has said: “In relation to the royal wedding, Parliament may have to consider emergency legislation.”

Do we really have to go to these lengths just to evict a man who has been peacefully protesting for almost a decade? Is Mr Haw really causing that much damage to the capital’s tourist industry?

The newspaper isn’t sure. “The Prime Minister frets, the tourist board schemes, and local and national authorities scour the statute books for excuses to get rid of him, while top human-rights lawyers rally to his side: and there he [Mr Haw] sits, a still point in the turning world.”

Here’s a question for you.  Is the more responsible, more reliable Boris a better Boris?

It’s something that has been causing a fair bit of debate over here at Boriswatch HQ.  Before he became Mayor, Bozza was prone to the odd faux pas.  We loved him because he wasn’t like other politicians and we were never quite sure what was going to happen next.

Of course there was the odd clanger (*cough Liverpool* cough) but his TV appearances and freedom to be the bonkers Boris that we know and adore made him into one of the nation’s best loved politicians.

And, of course, it was precisely this notoriety and unorthodox behaviour that carried Boris to victory in the 2008 Mayoral election.  We liked him because he was a character; a break from the dull, career poiticians in Westminster.

Since he has been Mayor, however, Bozza has been forced to rein in his behaviour.  There’s been the odd ‘falling in a river’ moment, and the odd controversial language (the ‘Kosovo style social cleansing’ is the most recent example) but on the whole he has behaved and conducted himself in a manner appropriate to the office of Mayor off London.

However, is the lack of unexpected outbursts or newsworthy behaviour actually hurting Boris’ chances of being re-elected in 2012?  Is the reining in of his personality actually damaging his prospects of beating Ken next year?  Has the necessity to be responsible squeezed the best bits out of Boris?

Anyone hoping for the installation of an Alton Towers-esque high speed corkscrew ride in the centre of London will have been disappointed by comments made by the Mayor this week.

Control of London’s Royal Parks is to be transferred from central government to City Hall, prompting fears that Bozza would cash in on this through excessive car park charges and non-stop fun fairs.  However, despite funding cut of up to 30 per cent, Bozza isn’t planning to install a Big Dipper in Kensington Gardens.

“We don’t want to commercialise the Royal Parks in any way. We want to work sensitively with local people so that we can make the best of them,” said Boris, gulping down a cone of chips whilst carrying a large cuddly Scooby Doo that he won on Green Park’s ‘Hook a Duck’ stall.

Bozza also outlined a Big Society approach for keeping London’s parks in order. (Incidentally, as far as we can tell at Boriswatch HQ, ‘Big Society’ seems to mean ‘people with money paying for essential things that the government previously paid for’.)

“I’m interested in what’s happening in New York, where groups of extremely affluent members of the community put a serious amount of money into their parks. We want to try to stimulate that here,” he explained, shyly avoiding coughing up any of his own significant dosh.

“We aren’t taking on these parks as some kind of crazed budget dumping exercise,” the Mayor insisted. “We believe that encouraging people to pay £10 entry to Regent’s Park for the chance to enjoy the Spongebob Squarepants Experience and eat overpriced burgers and candy floss is exactly what this land was designed for”, he didn’t add.

Boris and the Government have plenty of advisors.  With a multitude of different policy areas to consider, City Hall is awash with people advising the Mayor on everything from transport to toast (probably).

However, there is presumably always room for one more sane voice of reason to counsel Bozza on important issues.  And, that man could well be Adam Ant.

The ex-pop star has told the Sun this week that he believes he was what it takes to repair Broken Britain – and he wants to become an advisor to Boris and Dave.  So, his strategy for tackling youth problems in London?

Wall-E, dancing shoes, David Dimbleby and a track by a band called When I Was A Sperm.

[OK, OK.  Enough of this nonsense. Eh?  What do you mean 'it's absolutely true'? - Boriswatch Ed]

“I’d like to help the Mayor and Prime Minister. I’d like to advise them on the kids out there who are getting a raw deal, you know? If I had my way, I would make everyone watch Wall-E. I would have all the kids out on the street, running around, howling, kicking each other.

“I would be quite happy to go into tough areas in the East End where they are shooting and knifing people and play them a few things to reach out to them.

“I have a track by a band called When I Was A Sperm – it’s a hard record, it’s an urban record. The kids need someone to come to them who they can respect, who can dance a bit. I mean, I knew Michael Jackson, Marivin Gaye and Diana Ross. These are people who they respect. And I’d love to have David Dimbleby as a referee, he’s wonderful.”

With those credentials and those mates – I mean, what 16 year old hoodie wouldn’t respond favourably to a pal of Diana Ross? – Boris should take up his offer at once, we reckon….

Boris and Dave are cross. Indeed, they are so cross that they have written a joint letter to The Sun (exactly what we do at Boriswatch HQ when we are a bit worked up).

‘Why?’ you may ask, ‘are Bozza and Dave so angry?’

Well, apparently they have joined forces “to call for union members to overthrow their dinosaur bosses” (according to the Sun). It’s all because the bosses of unions Aslef and Unite have threatened to stage another one day strike…on the day of the Royal Wedding. And, the unions have also threatened to walk out and disrupt London’s Olympic Games in 2012.

The Independent reported that the PM and the Mayor accused unions of ‘cynical timing’ by threatening strikes during big national events. “The Royal Wedding and the Olympics present amazing opportunities for our country to show the world the best of British,” they wrote.

The pair really do seem to be quite cross. “Let’s call these threats what they are,” the letter says about the prospect of strikes during the Royal Wedding and the Olympics: “nothing more than headline grabbing to score political points”. And it continues to deliver a warning to union bosses: “you can try to drag this country back to the 1970s, to a time when militants held our country to ransom, but you will not succeed.”

In addition, Dave and Bozza called on moderate union members to rise up. “To those who think it doesn’t have to be this way, who are sick of the conflict and the confrontation, we say – make your voice heard and come forward. We need union leaders who are rooted in the modern world.”

Beware, union bosses. I don’t think you’ll like Dave and Boris when they’re angry….

It may be sixteen months until the Mayorship of London is up for grabs once again, but the Guardian reported this weekend that the race to become London’s Olympic Mayor is well and truly under way.

Bozza’s rival – some would say ‘nemesis’ – Ken Livingstone, has already begun his campaign to secure what would be one of the most sensational comebacks since Bobby Ewing walked out of his shower.

Red Ken’s campaign release this week gave an indication of the likely tone of his drive to secure a third term as London Mayor. Londoners getting back to work in the new year were, the release said, paying higher fares thanks to a pair of two-nation Conservatives operating under a common groove. One is called Boris, the other George. They are, according to Ken Livingstone, “two Tory peas in the same pod”.

Livingstone continued: “The reality of life under the Conservatives is VAT up while the Tory mayor of London defends bankers’ bonuses and presses for the richest to pay less tax.”

Whilst Bozza has been dismissive of his rival thus far – the Guardian reports that “on at least three occasions he’s publicly patronised as him as “a game old boy” – sooner or later the Mayor is going to have to start trying to win the confidence of Londoners.

As the Guardian concludes: “We all need to bear in mind that the mayoralty is in many ways a sideshow in the vast carnival of London, a city often judged ungovernable. But if Livingstone plays his cards right he can make Johnson look like a passing novelty act and fix his own name on the capital’s history for good.”

Eek. Come on, Boris. Pull your finger out, eh?

As you would expect for a man of his intellect, charisma and importance, Bozza claims a fair few prestigious awards. We reported, for example, that the Mayor picked up the Personality of the Year award from City AM in late 2010.

As the paper themselves said: “Boris, whose victory elicited the biggest cheer of the night from the 450-odd guests in attendance at the ultra-modern new Grange Hotel at St Pauls, had installed his new gong in pride of place on his groaning trophy shelf”.

Well, his trophy shelf will be groaning even louder this week after Boris bagged another trophy. The Mayor has been awarded the prestigious Golden Bull trophy from the Plain English campaign….presumably for his excellent and colourful use of the English language.

According to the BBC, ‘The Plain English Campaign was set up in 1979 and says its focus is on combatting “gobbledegook and misleading public information”.’

Uh-oh. This isn’t going to end well.

The BBC reports that the Mayor, alongside the Northern Ireland Civil Service, were awarded a Golden Bull for using language that was considered overly complicated or meaningless. The Mayor received his gong for saying that he hoped the city’s new bike hire scheme would create “a cyclised city of pioneers”.

Whilst it may be on odd phrase to use, it’s not in the same league as the other Golden Bull winner. The NI Civil Service was given its gong for its instructions on how staff should take a half day holiday. The instructions said:

“If the annual leave request that you are entering is less than a full day on the First Day or the Last Day, then please select Hours from the drop down list of values in the Part Days Unit of Measure field. Then select the amount of hours absent on the first day in the Fraction of Start Date field or the last day in the Fraction of End Date field. If the absence is only for one day, use the Fraction of Start Date field to record the hours absent.”

Gulp.

Good old BBC.

To celebrate the New Year, BBC Radio 3 are having a season of special events to mark a genius with strange blonde hair and a talent for making people stand up and listen to his output.

Aaaah.  I didn’t know the BBC cared about the Mayor that much.  What a lovely way to begin 2011.

[Er, I think you'll find that the season of events isn't actually in Boris' honour - Boriswatch Culture Editor]

Eh?

Oh.

It seems that the Genius of Mozart season is seeing classical buskers take to four London Underground stations to enchant commuters with music from the celebrated composer. If you’re passing through Bank, Liverpool Street, Canary Wharf or Waterloo, you might be met by Die Entführung aus dem Serail or some similar refrain.

The Mayor said: “There is no doubting Mozart’s prodigious talent, as this radio season attests. The familiarity of so much of his magnificent music may surprise some travellers, but what better way to brighten up the daily commute, especially on the first day back after the holidays? As another musical genius said it is truly ‘sweet sunshine’.”