Boris says awesome things...

It is the end of an era for one small corner of East London.

Yes, after fifteen years of pulling pints, Barbara Windsor has announced that she is leaving Eastenders in order to spend more time with her husband.  The 72 year old, rumoured to be one of the drama’s soap’s most hard-working stars will leave the popular BBC show next year.

What this does mean is that there is a well-paid vacancy for a bubbly blonde bombshell to do something of significant value to a great number of Londoners.  Someone with the charm and wit to entertain, someone who is already a household name, and someone to keep those punters coming back into the Queen Vic again and again.

Hmmm.  I wonder.

"No, I'm not Marcus Brigstocke."

A row has broken out in London this week over the Metropolitan Police’s proposals to introduce armed foot patrols in gun-crime ‘hot spots’ in London.

Boris, as the chairman of the Metropolitan Police Authority, was not consulted about the proposals and said armed police have an important role to play but that they should be “the exception, not the norm”.

The plan to deploy armed officers on the beat as a response to rising gun crime in the capital was announced last week when Sir Paul Stephenson, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, was out of the country. Apparently, sources said that Sir Paul reacted furiously on his return to Scotland Yard this week and the senior officers who made the decision were given “an almighty bollocking”.

Scotland Yard has now abandoned the plans for armed foot patrols and marksmen on motorbikes in gun crime hotspots in the face of this mounting political criticism.

As part of the mighty 2012 Olympic Park, Boris has commissioned a giant £15m piece of artwork as a monument to London’s hosting of the Games.

Funded by steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal, the £15m structure will be in place for the opening of the 2012 Olympics.  The winning artist should be announced within a fortnight and it is believed that the former Turner prize winner Anish Kapoor and “big sculpture guru” Antony Gormley are amongst five artists being considered by a panel.

A spokeswoman said: “The Mayor is keen to see stunning, ambitious, world class art in the Olympic Park and has been working with the Olympic Delivery Agency (ODA) over many months to explore a series of commissioning projects. The Mayor is also in touch with prominent figures in the art establishment and philanthropists about taking these forward and getting private backing. This work is at an early stage and details will be announced when the projects are confirmed.”

Another week, another appearance for BoJo in a Top Ten list.

This one, though, isn’t for his quick wit, bons mots or swear-fuelled rant.  Oh no.  Quite bizarrely, Bozza has been included in the Top Ten TV Football Moments.

Well-respected football site Cheer Up Alan Shearer has recently concluded their top Ten TV football clips ranging from Delia Smith’s drunken rant to a streaker belting a twenty-five yard effort past a hapless goalkeeper.  Boris made the list at Number Seven with his superb head-first tackle on ex-German international midfielder Maurizio Gardino in a charity match in 2006.

If you haven’t see the clip, it truly is brilliant.  As was Bozza’s explanation for his, er, unfortunate contribution. “I’m a rugby player really and I knew I was going to get to him and when he was about two yards away I just put my head down. There was no malice in my actions. I was going for the ball with my head, which I understand is a legitimate move in soccer.”

Brilliant.

Apparently, Boris’ performance at the Tory party conference recently angered members of David Cameron’s inner circle so much that Nick Boles, one of Cameron’s top aides, sent the Mayor a threatening Mafia-esque text message in the early hours of the morning.

Having returned to London from the conference in Manchester on October 5, Mr Johnson received the Italian threat, “La vendetta è un piatto che va mangiato freddo”, by text message in the early hours of Tuesday. It translates as: “Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.”

Mr Boles said, “Boris and I are old friends who have worked closely together for a number of years. Boris is not the only one who can express himself in ornate language. I would also point out that I began this particular message by saying that I was one of his biggest fans.” He added: “I know Boris will be disappointed but you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get hold of a horse’s head these days.”

It might sound like something out of science fiction, but Boris has thrown his weight behind plans to build a fourth London airport in the Thames Estuary.

The plans would remove the need for a third runway at Heathrow and would see a brand new twenty four hour airport built between Kent and Essex by 2030.

The Mayor commissioned Douglas Oakervee, the engineer who planned Hong Kong’s island airport, to draw up blueprints for the estuary airport. It would cost an eye-watering £40 billion (compared to the £9billion needed to expand Heathrow) but the idea is at odds with his own party who don’t want any increase in aviation in the south-east.

More environmental and engineering feasibility studies are to be carried out but Boris can expect to encounter opposition from environmentalists (and some in his own party) at least equivalent to that directed at Heathrow’s controversial third runway….

"£4.20?! I'll walk, thanks."

Being involved in politics sometimes means having to make tough decisions, and that is exactly what Boris has done this week as he announced significant increases in London’s fare charges.

Bus fares are rising by an average of 12.7% with a single Oyster bus fare rising from £1 to £1.20.  Tube fares are up 3.9% and the Congestion Charge fee will rise by a whopping £2 per day.

The aim is to raise much needed funds for Transport for London to refurbish and modernise London’s transport system and Bozza said that it was “essential to make this choice…rather than miss an opportunity to give London the upgrades it needs.”

Whilst it is clearly admirable to take a firm stance to ensure that there is sufficient investment in London’s transport system, it remains one of the world’s most expensive.  A single underground ticket on the Barcelona Metro (a clean, functional, useful system), for example, is €1.35 (about £1.24) and a ticket opn the New York subway is $2.25 (about £1.38).  In London next year it will be £4.20 – about three times as much as these other major cities.

Union leaders called the increases “damaging to London” and “outrageous” and passenger groups were “deeply unhappy” with the inflation-busting increases.

Well, it was clearly only a matter of time before cracks started appearing in the organisation of the 2012 Olympics and people started grumbling.

Bozza and Tessa Jowell want the badminton and the rhythmic gymnastics to be held in Wembley Arena.  They were supposed to be held in a temporary £20m venue in Greenwich but in a money saving exercise the Mayor and Olympics Minister want them shifted to the Arena.  They now have to persuade the gymnastics and badminton world federations to choose Wembley Arena.

Badminton England, however, are in a huff about this and don’t want to play at Wembley. Its chief executive Adrian Christy said playing at Wembley would damage competitors performances due to the travelling time required from the athletes’ village in Stratford, east London. (A good point, but won’t that affect every individual competitor equally and so ultimately not affect the outcome of the medals?)

My favourite quote though came from Denis Oswald, chairman of the International Olympic Committee commission that monitor’s London’s progress. He said, rather understatedly in my opinion, “I have to express a concern that three years before the Games the venue has not been finalised.”

Now that is a good point. With the greatest sporting spectacle in the world heading to London in under three years, the fact that we haven’t actually decided where we’ll play the badminton IS A BIT OF A PROBLEM. Considering the rhythmic gymnastic involves a lot of twelve year old girls wafting tassels about in a manner more suited to High School Musical than the Olympics, I’m not bothered if you hold that in Wembley Arena or a drive-thru Burger King. (I know, it is a very technical event and deserves its place amongst the world’s elite sports, before we get any complaints from the parents of talented hoop-wrigglers.)

We’d really prefer our Olympics to go well.  Please sort it out, folks.  Ta.

“…integrated economic, environmental, transport and social framework for the development of the capital over the next 20-25 years….”, “…intentions to promote London internationally, to keep our business environment competitive and to give all Londoners the opportunity to share in this success….”, “…plans for London’s transport over the next 20 years….”

*nods off*

Eh? Oh. Yes, this is the sparkling and vital news that Boris has published three draft strategies which he believes are “central to shaping London’s future.” There’s a London Plan, a Transport Strategy and an Economic Development Strategy, all of which can be read and commented upon here.

(I’m not sure how little else you’d have to have on to read these, but they are here if you want them. We’re public spirited like that.) Apparently the Mayor is obliged to publish such reports every five years.

The strategy documents have already caused some ripples with their proposal to introduce road pricing. The Transport Strategy says “The Mayor may consider road user charging schemes if other measures at the Mayor’s disposal are deemed insufficient to meet the strategy’s objectives” whereas the Mayor’s spokesman Kulveer Ranger says “There is absolutely no scheme in the Mayor’s Transport Strategy to introduce road user charging in London.”

Hmmmm.

You might have noticed that there have been some shenanigans regarding the Lisbon Treaty knocking about in the last few days.  The Irish rather unsportingly ratified the treaty quite comfortably before our own London Mayor came out at the Tory party conference demanding a referendum on the subject.

One of the seemingly main grumbles with the Treaty is that it includes provision for an EU President and the fact that one of the leading contenders for the role happens to be one Anthony Charles Lynton Blair has rather ruffled a few feathers.

“Most people would be extremely annoyed if Tony Blair is appointed president of the EU,” said Conservative foreign affairs spokesman William Hague. “There could be no worse way to sell the EU to the people of Britain.” (the fact that Blair convincingly beat Hague in a General Election apparently has nothing to do with the posh baldie’s opposition to Blair getting the gig. Er, right.)

However, the best quote on the subject is, as ever, attributed to Bozza who said Blair would be “a Euro-Emperor… like some wizard in the Lord of the Rings in a guise more powerful than we can possibly imagine.”

Now, I’m no expert on the European constitution (and we hate to disagree with Boris) but I doubt the EU President’s powers will extend to conquering the Elvish island of Tol Sirion, enslaving men as ringwraiths and then assuming the title of Lord of the Earth and King of Men. If it does, mind, we’ll all have more to worry about than Slovenia’s powers of veto over interest rate mechanisms…..