I delivered your Daily Star earlier, Ma'am

Boris’ obsession with getting everyone in London onto the saddle of a bicycle continues apace this weekend with the first Skyride Hounslow.

Although it sounds a lot like somewhere you’d stay when flying out of Heathrow Airport, the event on Sunday is expected to attract 10,000 cyclists as the streets of West London are closed for a day. The aim is to give cyclists a traffic-free experience on London’s roads and to encourage more bicycle use.  A ten kilometre route around parks and historic buildings will be closed to traffic to allow Londoners to enjoy the sights and sounds of this part of the capital without being chased by irate taxi drivers or forced off the road by gigantic SUVs.

The event will run from 11am to 4pm and in addition to the Mayor, gold medal winning cyclist Jamie Staff will join the throng.  The event is a precursor to the central London Skyride on 20th September and in his best fake Cockney accent Bozza added, “Hounslow is blessed with some of the most fantastic green spaces, and to misquote Michael Caine ‘not a lot of people know that’.”

Next week, BoJo talks about the Crossrail service whilst pretending to be Sean Connery. Not to be missed…

The figure parading down the South Bank this week in their Speedos with their blonde hair waving in the breeze made many a passer-by gasp in surprise…. and for many it was a charming sight to see Olympic gold medalist Rebecca Adlington in London promoting the “Pools 4 Schools” swimming initiative.

"Breaststroke? Don't mind if I do..."

Oh, and Bozza was there as well.

Thankfully (some would say) the mayor wasn’t sporting a Borat-esque banana hammock and indulging in heavy petting with a fourth former….

The “Pools 4 Schools” campaign aims to provide mobile “flat pack” swimming pools to schools and deprived areas with the hope of teaching ten thousand children to swim in the next twelve months. Such a pool will remain on the South Bank and be free to use over the summer (but potential users have to book in advance).

In a slightly oblique reference to the return to profits of some of the city’s major financial houses, BoJo observed “If there are any bankers who are in possession of multi-million pound bonuses this August, then what finer way of palliating any guilt you may have than to donate that bonus to our programme to roll out mobile swimming pools across London.”

There you go, Sir Fred – what better way to repair your reputation than donating a few bob to enable Boris to put giant paddling pools in school playgrounds?

It’s been a bit of a slow news week at BHQ over the last few days. Apart from some commitments to planting more trees in London and appearing in an ECB video belting out Jerusalem in support of the England cricket team, nothing particularly entertaining has caught our eye.

In the absence of some top notch hilarious Boris-ness, we thought we’d instead tell you ten things you may not know about the London Mayor. Ahem. *clears throat*

1. He was born in New York City
2. His two daughter’s middle names are Peaches and Lettice (no, we are not making this up)
3. BoJo was sacked from the Conservative front bench in 2004 amid allegations he lied about an affair with Spectator reporter Petronella Wyatt. Johnson called the allegations “an inverted pyramid of piffle”
4. Several news providers (including Germany’s Der Spiegel) quoted Bozza in the Mayoral election campaign as saying “if you vote for the Conservatives, your wife will get bigger breasts, and your chances of driving a BMW M3 will increase.”
5. Johnson is the ninth slowest “star in a reasonably priced car” on the popular BBC show Top Gear. He completed his lap in 1m 56sec.
6. Johnson read Classics at Balliol College, Oxford
7. In August 2008, Johnson broke from the traditional procedure of those in public office not publicly commenting on other nations’ elections when he openly endorsed then-Senator Barack Obama for the Presidency of the US. Johnson said “Unlike the current occupant of the White House, he has no difficulty in orally extemporising a series of grammatical English sentences, each containing a main verb.”
8. Johnson succeeded Michael Heseltine as Member of Parliament for Henley
9. BoJo successfully committed boiled eggs, Lynda Lee Potter, smoking bans and Richard Clayderman to Room 101
10. Johnson was nominated for a BAFTA in 2004 for his performance on the BBC comedy quiz Have I Got News For You?

Blimey. Never a dull moment, is there?