Boris says awesome things...

A very merry Christmas to all Boriswatch readers! We hope you have a fantastic day!

If you’ve forgotten to send a card to a loved one, help is at hand in the form of Boriscards. Send a Christmas Boriscard, and all will be forgiven…

P.S. We will leave you with perhaps our favourite video…

Recent reports in the Mail show that Boris has a raft of new plans for helping to keep the London economy ticking over in these almost-recession times, one of which may involve scrapping the congestion charges altogether. He’s already spoken about his plans to cut back the western extension, but now it’s looking as though the whole system might be removed. It’s certainly the right time, if it does happen, as the credit crunch is making the future look decidedly dicey for London residents who’d be subject to the fee on a daily basis.

The stats show that the charge has reduced congestion and traffic accidents (although apparently not by enough to meet targets, or as much as might have been expected), so if it does end up being scrapped, it can be written off as at least a partial success. There’s been no definitive yay-or-nay answer on the subject yet, but it’s good that Boris’s office is consistently looking to the future to see whether changes can be made.

Is this the right move? Will these efforts really shore up the economy, or is it likely to have a limited effect (if at all)?

No, that’s not what determines the legislation that comes out of the Mayoral office — it’s how good ol’ BoJo described his barnet upon winning an award for best celebrity hair this week.

And rightly so. We here at BorisWatch towers have always been rather a fan of Boris’s do — in fact, several of our interns sport an identical cut — and so we feel the only question to be asked is why he didn’t win it sooner.

On a side note… the two ‘most offensive’ haircuts in the country apparently belong to Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross. Now we’d hate to cast aspersions about the validity of the results (especially given that we can kind of see where the pollsters are coming from), but I’m sure we’re not the only ones who suspect a wee bit of political voting creeping into the mix. Not that that’s a bad thing, of course… if anything, it proves that Boris is popular with the voting public — albeit with the possible exception of barbers.

What do you think? Will we see a plethora of thatched-roof style haircuts being paraded around the country by this time next week? Or is Boris’s style really one of a kind? Let us know in the comments.

Dear Boris,

Now, you know how we feel about you here at BorisWatch towers. We think you’re great. Really. Generally speaking, we think your policy decisions are marvellous, and as for your hair… well, it really is something spectacular. In fact, we’re hard-pressed to think of a time where we haven’t seen fit to laud your accomplishments and generally sing your praises.

But you don’t half make it hard for us sometimes.

We like the fact that you keep a very prominent public profile. It makes it easy (and fun!) to write about you, and we like having the Mayor of our nation’s capital be able to match wits with intellectual heavyweights like Jeremy Clarkson. We were even willing to forgive you for the poor laptime you gave on your last stint on Top Gear. We defended you to our friends down the pub. The sun was in his eyes, we said. He must have been ill, we said. You finished in 1m56s. We can’t go back to that pub anymore.

But still, we forgave you. We almost managed to forget it, even, to scrub it from our memories the way it deserved, to keep your Adonis-like perfection intact in our minds. Then you went and did this:

Boris Johnson on Top Gear.

1m57s, Boris. You’re slower than Michael Parkinson. You’re slower than Tom Jones. You’re slower than Helen Mirren, and she’s the closest thing they could get to having the actual Queen driving round the track.

We just don’t know what to think, Boris. We want to hope that you’ll do better next time — if there is a next time — but it’s hard to keep dreaming.

Please don’t keep doing this to us.

Yours, with a strange (and unfamiliar) feeling of disappointment,

The Staff of BorisWatch Towers

PS. The interview was great.

Good Ol’ Boris has always had a strong position on environmental issues, specifically when it comes to cutting down on the emissions from the capitals cars — he’s famous for promoting the benefits of cycling, as well asdemonstrating the ecological benefits of the congestion charge — but, after a recent appearance on Top Gear, it seems he’s been turned on (no pun intended) to the benefits of the electric car.

In his column in the Telegraph, Boris has pointed out that the electric Mercedes he was allowed to drive after completing his lap for the show’s ‘Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car’ segment in a Chevrolet Lacetti ran rings around the competition. Quoth Boris:

As they have discovered on Top Gear, electric cars are not just glorified milkfloats these days. There is already something out there called the Tesla, which can apparently do 125mph and go for 250 miles without needing to have its batteries recharged.

Such was the extent of this epiphany that Boris has pledged to keep his family car (a Toyota that, had it been a beloved family pet instead of a people carrier, would have been put down long ago) for as long as it takes for viable electric cars to hit the market. After all, at a penny a mile and with zero emissions, he’s right when he says there’s a definite economic benefit to stepping up research, and his prediction that (like mobile phones) electric car batteries will become the norm within ten or so years seems pretty spot-on.

The episode is due to air this Sunday on BBC Two at 8pm. After his last — and, it has to be said, very poor — laptime on the track, will you be tuning in to see if he redeems himself? Or are his opinions about the future of the electric car more interesting to you? Let us know in the comments.

As the Damien Green scandal rages on, it seems Boris might have got a little more involved than he’d hoped. Reports of him contacting Green by telephone after his arrest have surfaced — and with them, worries that he might find himself facing a conflict of interest in the case. An unnamed (but apparently senior) Met source said:

Not only has he contacted a suspect, but he has given an opinion on an investigation without being aware of all the evidence. That completely undermines the officers involved.

Far be it from us to comment on proceedings without knowing all the details, but it seems that Boris’s latest gaffe (as it has been dubbed by the Telegraph) might be just that — a slip. Not a crime, not an attempt to cast doubt on the upright and honest legal system, but instead just a moment of poor judgement on his part, at odds with the massive amount of negative press attention he’s received as a result. It’s hardly Watergate — and until we see firm evidence of wrongdoing, it might be best not to start dragging Boris over the coals.

What do you think? Is the media’s harsh treatment of Boris justified, or should we be waiting for more information to come to light before his critics jump all over him?

We here at Boriswatch Towers have previously reported on the kerfuffle that emerged between Boris and Sir Ian Blair. With Blair’s resignation and soon-to-be departure from the role, however, we assumed that any bad blood between the two would fade away, to be replaced with a professional courtesy and sense of goodwill.

Oh, how wrong we were.

On his last day as Commissioner, Sir Ian has brought out the vitriol in an interview with the Telegraph, in which he seemingly accuses the Mayor of using his political clout for personal reasons in an attempt to oust him from office. Why? Merely because Blair has been a controversial figure and has been in the public eye, rather than for any actual wrongdoing.

Now, OK, we can kind of see his point: it’s very hard not to be a little bit controversial if you’re head of the Metropolitan Police. Still, have any of his predecessors had as much negative press attention as Sir Ian? Have any of them had so many press-described ‘blunders’? We can’t think of any, certainly, and while we’re not suggesting that Blair did a terrible job in office, there’s certainly reasons for him to have bumped heads with Boris that don’t include the political backbiting and Machiavellian machinations he seems to be implying.

There’s no word on whether or not Boris will be giving a response on this, but either way, there seem to be few people clamouring for Sir Ian to reconsider. Is his departure a good thing for London’s police? Was he as inept as the media often claimed? Should Boris have tried to put his reported personal difficulties aside to work with Blair, or is he better off with a new Commissioner who better matches his vision for London? Answers on a postcard, please. Or, better yet, in the comments.

A reputable news source has recently reported that Boris has officially claimed we’re ready for the 2012 Olympics… right now, in fact. How does next week sound?

No, not really. As much as I’m sure Boris would like to be ready almost four years in advance, I think that’s asking just a little bit much from our mayor of only six months.

Still, as the clamour of voices looking for a Games on a Budget gets ever-louder, with the Times calling for an Austerity Olympics out of respect (and, seemingly, fear) for the violence currently raging in Pakistan, topped off with the pressure of providing a comparable spectacle to Beijing ’08, it’s nice to see that people are still able to look at the games (and, of course, our own, inimitable Boris) with a sense of humour.

What do you think? Have we been taking the Games too seriously recently?

As it’s getting to that festive time of year again (not that you’d know it, given that most places have had Christmas decorations up since before Hallowe’en), many people have started to consider a seasonal break to our nation’s capital. Boris, of course, is well in favour of that… so much so that he’s announced a £3.25 million campaign to encourage folks to visit London this December. Given the current economic downturn, this can only be a good thing — like it or not, parts of the city need tourism to function properly, and it’s a multi-million pound industry when things are going well. Putting money into the system when it seems to be flagging in hopes of catching the tide of Christmas shoppers or people just looking for a seasonal West End show is a wise investment, and shows that Boris (contrary to what some people might think) does have a pretty shrewd head on his shoulders.

Is London a good place to visit? Will it benefit from this cash injection, or is it just a waste of money? Let us know in the comments.

Rachel Johnson

Boris can’t win everything, and his sister has confirmed it.

With her latest book, Shire Hell, Rachel Johnson has won the 2008 “Bad Sex” award, given the the most excruciatingly described sexual event in a novel. Her shining prose include the following passage: “I find myself gripping his ears and tugging at the locks curling over them, beside myself, and a strange animal noise escapes from me as the mounting, Wagnerian crescendo overtakes me.”

It was held at the (snigger) In and Out Club.