Boris says awesome things...

Boris is fronting a new campaign against ID cards. In a collaboration with ConservativeFuture, who have clearly seen the light and realised that being endorsed by Boris is the key to getting free publicity, the website JoinBoris.com encourages visitors to suggest ideas for uses for the “useless” ID card. “The only sensible use for them is to use them to clean your car windscreen on a frosty morning,” he says. “Or what I’m going to do is take it, very carefully grind it up using a blender, sprinkle it on my cornflakes and eat it.” Yum. What would you do?!

After weeks of low-profile Boris - is he knuckling down to politics, or are the papers losing interest?! - we hear that he’s added another job title to his bow. Boris is now turning his hand to ebing a Dog Detective. The Times (and many others) report that dognapping has become rife in his constituency, causing worried residents to beseige him with requests to help. 50 dogs have been nabbed in the last 6 months. At the risk of being a tad insensitive - has someone checked the local kebab vans?