Boris has been made shadow minister for the arts. He is quoted in this mornings Telegraph, describing it as “a great honour”, adding, “look the point is…er, what is the point? It is a tough job but somebody has got to do it.” Boris, educated at Eton and Oxford, claims to know “an awful lot” about the arts. He said his main aim would be to challenge Labour’s horrible utilitarianism, which hates everything old and everything that doesn’t contribute to the nations GDP.”
It is thought that Boris will champion classics in school. Badger

According to the metro newspaper, Boris is writing a novel about traffic wardens. In a classic interview, Boris also spoke about creating “zones of chaos” when riding his bicycle in order to encourage drivers to stear clear.
Badger.

Last week in his Telegraph article, Boris quelled the rumours that had been exciting the media types in Westminster village and assure us that Tony Bliar (sic) is going nowhere. Of course he wont…certainly not early anyway. He’ll grin his way through to the next election. However, he is running scared on Iraq, Europe and migration and he will have another heart attack (surely murmour…Ed) when he sees Gordons credit card bill.